Scene Planning

Hi folks - welcome to Ask Your Queer Auntie. I'm a queer NB femme with 30 years of kink experience. Not a therapist and have no formal medical or psychological training. Responses are my opinion and shouldn't be taken as gospel.

Hi Queer Auntie,

What's your process of planning a scene look like? Can you give an example of a scene you planned ahead of time and the outcome? I'm especially curious about scenes that incorporate multiple elements, like sharps/blood/bondage/impact/role playing/etc. Do you like to plan for specific moments/a full story arc, or do you mostly improv your scenes?

- Budding Creative Sadist

Hi Budding Creative Sadist,

When planning a scene, I find it essential to understand where my partner wants to go emotionally and physically. I start by identifying the core component—humiliation, pain, fear, or submission—we are aiming to achieve.

Once the objective is clear, I review the skills and tools available to me. Rather than overcomplicating the experience, I prefer to select and focus on one to three specific tools to guide the scene.

I generally prefer flexible plans, as over-scripting can feel tedious. I might start with a broad concept, such as a specific roleplay scenario, and let it evolve naturally. However, I lay things out more specifically when the scene involves anything physically invasive.

I find it best to prepare all the necessary supplies—such as a garbage can, sharps container, chucks, gloves, and lube—and then I'm not flailing around looking for that stuff when i need it.

Best,
Sassomatic